Parents in need of a little Disney magic

My family and I just returned from an exciting and exhausting week at Walt Disney World. My recent travels brought to mind several aspects of parenting that I thought I want to share with you.

Traveling to Disney World around the winter holidays is a family tradition. One of my grandfathers, known to us as “Daddy Dan,” took all his children and grandchildren to Disney for a family Christmas celebration in 1976. This inaugural trip became an annual tradition lasting many years, until he suffered a stroke and resultant multiinfarct dementia. Several months after Daddy Dan's death in 2009, my father Dan took his children and grandchildren to Disney. Officially, the trip was in honor of my eldest daughter Isabella's birthday. Isabella is my father's very first grandchild, and one might say that he is enamored with her. But, unofficially, I think Daddy Dan had something to do with it.

This trip marked the first return to Disney since Daddy Dan's death, and it was particularly special for us for that reason. I simply cannot put on a Mickey Mouse t-shirt or board a Monorail and not think about Daddy Dan. He was the kindest, most devoted sort of grandparent. And, I think he had as much fun as the kids did each year enjoying all the theme parks. Introducing the next generation of our clan to this magical place has been quite therapeutic for the grieving process. This year, I picked up the tab and brought the family to Disney to kick off the New Year. And here are a few of my reflections on parenting as a result of the trip.

My first observation is that successful and unsuccessful parenting become very obvious during the first half hour of a commercial flight. As an aside, one cannot overestimate the value of a nonstop flight when traveling with small children. Now surely there are a few unavoidable situations that challenge the very best of parents, such as a sick child, a turbulent flight, or the impact of cabin pressure changes on a little one's Eustachian tubes. But, there really are some folks out there who have no control over their children. And the FDA's recent sanctions against over-the-counter cold medications (i.e., the sedating ones) have apparently limited the drug-assisted quiet that some parents used to seek for their children. I was also grateful to my wife, the kindergarten teacher, who expertly packed a bag full of fun activities that kept my girls busy during our flight to Orlando. I really wanted to inform the lady seated in 15-B that just saying “gentle” over and over again to her whining, crying, screaming and kicking son was apparently not working. But I complied with TSA guidelines and stayed in my seat with my seatbelt fastened low and tight around my waist. Fortunately, an endearing grandmother dug up some candy out of her purse, which took the edge off of the little fellow's tantrum.

My second observation is that successful and unsuccessful parenting become very obvious during several key moments of the Disney experience - - aboard Disney's Magical Express (a bus line that carries families from Orlando's airport to their hotels), while waiting in the handbag screening line outside any of the Disney parks, while waiting in line for a Disney attraction (especially popular ones with long waits), and during any character-themed dining experience. Sometimes, you can see these issues emerge again at the very end of the day, but often parents are equally delirious by this time of day, and thus it is harder to appreciate. Our two girls had their moments of hunger and fatigue, but all in all they were gracious little travelers. My wife is especially good at preventing any behavior problems by ensuring we stay on our meal schedule, have dedicated quiet time during the day, and stay clear of very long lines. We encountered a few little ones, though, that made me say a silent prayer of thanks for my daughters and the leadership role my wife takes each day in their upbringing. There were quite a few parents we passed that were in desperate need of some Disney magic (or some intensive anticipatory guidance by a well trained PA).

My third observation is how incredibly lucky I was to be raised by my two parents. I was also fortunate to be surrounded by an engaged flock of grandparents, aunts, uncles and older cousins during my formative years. Seeing my mother and father interact with my Isabella and Madeline brought back a lot of childhood memories. Seeing my father with my oldest daughter, who is vigorously inquisitive, reminded me what a great listener he is. As a parent, the endless barrage of “why” and “how” questions can be a bit draining at times, but I never saw him miss a beat. Seeing my mother play with Madeline in the “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” playground reminded me of how fun she was growing up. She always played as hard as my brother and I did, and she never minded getting dirty. She was so devoted and attentive to my little girls on that playground. And, let me share that this playground is undoubtedly the most frenetic, crowded, unnerving recreational space that Disney has ever imagineered. Seeing my parents together recently also reminded me of how happy they have been for the past 41 years of their marriage. My brother and I used to make gagging sounds when they showed their affection, but it is kind of sweet to me now.

My last observation is that my parents took great joy in all these moments. For them, it wasn't about making sure we made it to the parade on time or got that “Fast Pass” ticket before the rides got crowded. It was just about enjoying time with their children and grandchildren. They also enjoyed a few moments of tension when my wife and I were redirecting one of our girls into a proper disposition. Maybe there is a touch of morbid fascination for all parents in watching their children take up the parenting reins. But their joy reminded me of the importance of margin and balance in our lives, especially when the demands of teaching or patient care can be so all consuming. Taking time to enjoy our families probably makes us better clinicians and teachers.

So, I did a little reading when I got back home and found that my observations were not so novel. In fact, most of them were written in The 8 Golden Rules of Parenting by Tamara Eberlein for the New York Times. So, in case you are trying to find balance as a busy PA and parent or just looking for some quick advice, here you are.

8 Golden Rules of Parenting

Rule #1: Get down on the floor.

Rule #2: Let kids experience natural consequences.

Rule #3: Provide positive reinforcement.

Rule #4: Tune in to your child's temperament.

Rule #5: Set limits – early and consistently.

Rule #6: Let your children know how you feel – without putting them down.

Rule #7: Let kids grow at their own pace.

Rule #8: Acknowledge your child's feelings.

My recent trip to Walt Disney World marked my wife's 5th visit, Isabella's 4th visit, Madeline's 2nd visit, and my 47th visit. I plan on keeping this family tradition going. Because like my Daddy Dan, I am comforted to know that amidst the often relentless pace of our professional lives there's a magical kingdom close by where “All your dreams come true.” Make time to enjoy your family and friends, not just when you are on vacation. And turn off those phones and handhelds at the end of the day (unless you are on-call), so it's easier for them to enjoy you, too. JAAPA